Cows

After the recent teetering-on- the-edge- of-total- economic- and-financial- meltdown
couple of months, it seems appropriate to simplify matters by explaining 21 economic models using cows :

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk..

FASCISM You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk
away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM You have two giraffes..
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity
swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back,
with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are
transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by
the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your
listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United
States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want
three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image
called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk
themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your
country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

[original author unknown]

Question everything or fall for anything

Have you ever heard the saying, "If you don't stand for something, then you'll fall for anything?" That old saying applies to many different areas of life, but none more than advertising and marketing.
As a business owner or decision maker, you must know a few basic things about the company you represent before you make any marketing decisions.
1) Who is your customer? Where does your customer live? How old is your customer? Male or female? Is your customer wealthy, a bargain hunter, finicky?
2) What company message do you want delivered? Is it clear? Is it targeted to your customer? Does it demand action?
3) How much is an average customer worth to the company? How much are you willing to invest to get your customer, their family, their friends?
4) What expectations do you have? Get specific..How many new clients within what time frame that spend how much money? How are you measuring your results?
Consider the spectrum of advertising options...from magazines, newspapers, online, yellow pages, catalogs, sponsorships, ink pens, TV commericials, grocery receipts, bus stop benches, to radio spots and billboards...not all media is a good fit for all clients.
As a business owner or decision maker, you're obligated to sort through options to find the mix of media that will best reach your customer, deliver your message, and get the results you want for your budget.
Don't fall for advertising sales people who are trained to 'sell their product'! Find the sales consultants who have experience, know the market, and understand your goals.
Stand up for your business and don't fall for anything, but...question everything!

Do Jackson Mourners Buy Office Supplies?

In the last few months, between the NBA finals and the Michael Jackson memorial service, the Staples Center in Los Angeles received millions of mentions, tweets, articles and praise for the facility.
The Staples Center opened in 1998 at the cost of $375 million and has been the venue for thousands of concerts and events.
Eleven years after it's opening, the Staples Center is now a household name across the world because of the Jackson memorial. It begs the question, "Was buying the naming rights to the facility a smart decision for Staples?"
Buying the naming rights or sponsorship for a facility, event, or product is a tricky business. Many consider it to be a form of advertising, but I believe any kind of sponsorship is simply marketing.
If a company is considering buying naming rights or becoming a sponsor, consider the relationship between the audience and the company's product. If the audience and the product are not a natural fit, there won't be immediate results from the sponsorship. Instead, the company should view the sponsorship simply as an opportunity to gain name recognition.
Be very clear on expectations. If the company wants immediate impact on revenue, sales, or the bottom line they should be advertising, in addition to the marketing.
Has 11 years of events the Staples Center had an impact on Staples' bottom line? I dare say that I doubt Staples has sold one additional box of paperclips because it has its name on a building. I doubt the audience attending the Grammys or Wrestlemania level the Staples Center thinking they'd rather go to Staples than Office Depot the next time they need office supplies.
Two examples of what I consider to be smart choices in buying naming rights are Busch Stadium and Coors Field. In these two situations, the corporations are a natural fit with the audience attending the ballgames and it's a better pairing. In these cases, I suspect that the beverage companies can pinpoint an immediate impact on their sales charts the years the stadium and ballpark were opened.
It's always smart to take a close look at audience and expectations before investing in sponsorships and naming rights.

You determine your own success

When I set monthly sales goals for my staff, I consider last year's sales, last month's sales, and accounts that they are currently working on. New accounts, out of business accounts, and whether accounts are 'growing' or 'dying' are also taken into consideration.
What I should consider, more than anything is .... How motivated is the salesperson?
When I was an 'up and comer' I wanted to be the best. I wanted to generate more revenue, give the best customer service, and be seen as the 'go to' person when there was a problem that needed to be solved. My motivation was clear: come early, stay late, go the extra mile, think outside the box, early bird gets the worm... It all worked.
When Lance Armstrong started training to race, he determined the speed that previous winners had raced to win. He determined that in order to win, he needed to train himself to ride faster than the previous winners. Sounds simple doesn't it.
If you want to stay with the rest of the pack, then set your cadence to match the pack. If you want to win, train yourself to go faster. Train at a difference cadence. March to the beat of your own drum.
As salespeople, athletes, CEO's, or individuals, you must motivate yourself and determine your own definition of success. As for me, if you consider staying with the pack, a success, I'll ride against you any day.
As for me...No one will work harder than me today.